Wedding Gift Etiquette
Wedding gift etiquette can be surprisingly tricky—how much to spend, when to send the gift, whether you’re still expected to give one if you’re not attending, and how many gifts to give—there are so many parties!
There are plenty of opinions, but a few timeless principles help guide smart choices. This guide offers clarity for guests and couples alike, with modern etiquette that’s both thoughtful and realistic.
How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?
There’s no set dollar amount, but etiquette suggests giving within your means while honoring the significance of the event. A thoughtful, well-chosen gift is always appropriate, regardless of cost. A good general guide:
Acquaintance or coworker: $50–$75
Friend or relative: $75–$150
Chosen and close family members: $150–$250+
The relationship, not the price tag, should guide the gesture. What matters most is that the gift feels personal and respectful.
When Should You Send a Wedding Gift?
Ideally, within two months of the wedding date, either before or after. Sending a gift ahead of time ensures it won’t get lost in the shuffle of wedding weekend logistics. If you're giving it after the wedding, a handwritten note of well-wishes alongside the gift is especially thoughtful.
Do You Still Send a Gift If You’re Not Attending?
Yes, if you were invited by a mailed invitation. A declined invitation still warrants a gesture of kindness, especially if the couple is close to you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—a card and small gift or a heartfelt note with a modest item is both gracious and appreciated.
Can I Give Cash or Gift Cards Instead of a Physical Gift?
Absolutely. Modern etiquette fully embraces monetary gifts, especially when presented with intention and a personal note. If the couple has a honeymoon or cash registry, contribute through that channel. Otherwise, a card with a handwritten message and a check or gift card is perfectly appropriate.
Is It Okay to Go Off the Registry?
Yes-ish. Do this with care. If you know the couple well and have a meaningful idea they’d love, it’s a beautiful gesture. Just ensure it’s something they’d truly want, not just something you love. For most guests, the registry is there to make things simple and appreciated. If this is because you forgot and are grabbing something on the way to the ceremony, pull over and place the order for that registry gift. Remember, you have 2 months to get it to them (but better do it now).
Heather’s Wedding Etiquette Gift Word to the Wise
True etiquette is about making others feel comfortable and appreciated. Whether you spend $50 or $1500, the best wedding gifts reflect connection, not obligation. Choose with care, give with grace, and always include a personal message—it’s the attention to the couple’s wishes that makes it memorable.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many gifts should I give to one couple?
This is one of the most common points of confusion—understandably so. Weddings often come with a cascade of celebrations: engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette weekends, and the big day itself. Are you expected to bring a gift to all of them? Not necessarily. A good rule of thumb:
Engagement gift: Traditionally, nothing. Modern - optional. While that may seem as clear as mud, use this rule: never feel obligated. If you’d like to bring a gift, make it small, sentimental, and don’t make a big deal—as others aren’t obligated to bring a gift.
Bridal shower: Yes, typically a registry gift. If you are a bridesmaid, oftentimes you will be part of a larger group gift. While it’s easiest for everyone to split the amount evenly, if one person is highly more capable of contributing than another, and would like to, this should be decided discreetely between only those two people, not the whole group. Avoid the temptation of providing group TMI and gossip.
Lingerie or bachelorette party: Small, fun, themed item. If you are attending, bring a gift. If you are bridal party and a close friend, and cannot attend, at minimum, go in on a gift with someone.
Wedding: Yes, always—even if you’ve already given gifts for other events.
If you're attending multiple events, you're not expected to go big every time. Create a budget and stick to it. Many guests choose a modest gift, or even go in together on a gift for showers, and reserve a more meaningful gift for the wedding itself. What matters most is intention—quality over quantity, always.
Do I need to bring a gift to each shower I’m invited to?
Not necessarily. Traditionally, you would only be invited to one shower. Bridal party members being the obvious exception. If you're attending more than one shower, etiquette allows for scaling—one main gift for the first event, and smaller gestures (like a book, candle, or themed item) for additional ones. And if you’re traveling for these events, your presence already speaks volumes.
Do I still give a wedding gift if I already gave a shower gift?
Yes. Shower gifts and wedding gifts are traditionally considered separate. The shower gift is usually something practical or theme-based, while the wedding gift is your main gesture of celebration and support.
Should I send a wedding gift even if I can’t attend?
Yes—if you received an invitation, etiquette considers it appropriate to send a gift. It doesn’t need to be extravagant; a heartfelt card with a modest gift or contribution to their registry or honeymoon fund is gracious and appreciated.
